MAN
I wonder what that used to be.
WOMAN
A Pizza Hut?
MAN
No. There's no "R" or "B" in "Pizza Hut."
February 6, 2010
February 4, 2010
10 Minutes In Waukegan
He was pushing 60.
He had a beer gut.
The last strands of his hair clutched whitely to his weathered scalp.
He was standing on the side of a road in Waukegan wearing a Statue of Liberty outfit.
Next door a car insurance company works out of a trailer.
I waited inside to pick up some documents.
A man was trying to get insurance before his court date that day.
He said "my Cadillac" three times.
She said "last minute" twice.
A mailman pulled up to the old man in the Statue of Liberty outfit and handed him mail.
I went to a gas station to grab a cup of coffee.
Feeling fancy and using terrible judgment, I opted for a pumpkin cappuccino from a self serve machine.
It tasted like Turtle Wax with a hint of print shop.
I left Waukegan.
Future Stars Of Football
Recently, football has produced some colorfully named players.
Take a listen!
Pacman Jones
Chad Ochocinco
Cadillac Williams
So I decided to visit a nearby football camp to see who would be gracing the Pro Bowls of tomorrow.
Take a look at this handsome roster!
Email Jordan
Carphone Scherenberger
Brad Cinco De Mayo
Missile Command Grubbs
Star Sixty Nine Clemons
Q*bert Enriquez
Bail Bonds
Yar's Revenge Oglesby
Football "Concussion" Jones
I can't wait for football in The Year 2020!
Trixie News
Hey.
Female condom.
Car Crucifix
Your asshole driving is shaking the shit out of your car crucifix.
That tiny Jesus is going to puke all over your pantsuit.
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