Betty White Pitch

Hey everyone,

Let's pray for an early death for Betty White so we don't have to see her senility exploited for cheap, ugly laughs by the douchey youth.

"I'm Betty White. Listen to me say 'fuck' and other popular dirty words. You will laugh for some reason. Then I will talk about sex in a forthright and crude manner. I'm old so context makes it funny to you young people."

Quit tarnishing the last living Golden Girl, please.

She is a human being.

New Business In Chicago

Today I immediately opened a brand new business in Chicago's Lincoln Square neighborhood:

The Lil' Handgun Boutique

It's going to make a killing!!

Book Learnin'

Don't call them dummies!

Coal Miner's Daughter

Movie Renter: Hey Hollywood Producer Scum! Coal Miner's Daughter. That's how you do a biopic.

Hollywood Producer Scum (sipping Bling H2o with ginseng caffeinated crystal Red Bull phosphates): That's a good idea. We'll remake Coal Miner's Daughter!

American Defensive Driving School

I hear the instructors here are a little insecure.

GRT EATS

At 1am I was in line at the drive thru of a White Castle.

The car in front of me had a personalized license plate:

GRT EATS

I wonder if it was the Zagat's.

Connecticut

I heard on the news today that the nation's unemployment force is equivalent to the population of Connecticut.

Boy, I'm glad I don't live in Connecticut.